things i would never be

We have just come through the finish line of Spring Break.  There were a few curve balls.  I don’t know why curve balls surprise me anymore.  They seem to be a constant in our life … makes us keep our eyes wide open.

Hind site the week looked like this:  Three nights of camping.  Okay, two.  Robert was sick at home, so I took the kids by myself … the five kids. (hence us only lasting two nights).  Deep gratitude to friends that joined us and made sure I was still sane(ish).  Flu, stomach bug, strep all found it’s way to our home.  Jase got bit by a ostrich.  I got a sweet picture of it happening.   Our friends that we consider “framily” welcomed home a little miracle.  Movies were seen.  Pajamas were abundant.  Pretty good week, all in all.  Plus, we still like each other … alot.

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During this oh so unpredictable week that unfolded, I realized there are several things that I will never be.

A single mom.  Before this week, I knew that these ladies had hero status in my book.  I don’t think I can even fathom what greatness they hold in one of their pinky toes.  Jase looked at me several times and said, “mom, your attitude has been great.  you haven’t blown up once.”   Their expectations with me going solo are low … understandably.  I am proud of the friends that I have that do the work of two people while raising excellent kids.  They rock.  I simply roll.

A missionary.  It takes a good amount of nyquil to get me through a night of “rough sleeping” in a tent.  And then to wake up to cook a meal for all. these. kids. on my super cool Coleman stove.  Eeek.  Two days is all it took.  And upon our return to our home … thirty minutes down the road … we had plagues.  Okay, illnesses.  And yes, they lasted a day.  Africa will never see the likes of me.  I want to want to be like “Kisses from Katie” … but I am a wimp.

A baseball team manager.  Though, I am becoming a tad bit better at curve balls and managing a team, I am realizing that the simple jaunt from first base to second base comes with countless detours that usually end up with me holding all the equipment and never knowing what inning we are playing.  I’ll get the team to the park, late and disheveled … but look for me in the stands.

Of course, I realize that these revelations of my shortcomings seal the deal that Robert will die and the children and I will be called to Timbuktu to serve in a grass hut.  Gosh,  I hope they have bats and balls there.

But you know,  I did realize a few things that I am.   Things that I have been learning to be for several years now.  Okay, thirty plus years … but whose counting.

A mess.   I do not have it together.  At all.  Much energy has been expended to “have it all together” and well, that is tiring.   But, when I settle into knowing that it’s okay to be a mess … I relax.  I enjoy life a little more.  I am not (as) controlling.  And that is so much more peaceful.

Forgiven.  When I take my eyes off Jesus, then I wear a ridiculous attitude or make a bonehead decision …  and it stinks.  Until, I realize just how much Jesus loves me and forgives me and wants me to keep on going on … living for Him.

Needed.  Somewhere, somehow in my shortcomings, I am needed.  And you are too.  God didn’t make us just to take up room down here in our earth suits.  He wants to put us into action so that others can see how great He is.   Me.  You.  He needs us to use our forgiven mess, our snowglobed life, our everything to show His great love and grace.   Heck, I need to see His grace and love first hand … I am glad He has me on the front line.

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